addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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