the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
