ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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