what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Thank you for not boning my boss.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
