I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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