how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
