btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
