Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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