The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
