Can Purell be used as lube?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
