idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
