Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize