If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
