So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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