It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
