I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
