16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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