your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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