i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize