Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
