The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
