i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
