all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
