in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
