No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
