we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
