i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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