I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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