Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
