We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
