I wish I only lived at night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
