Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
