Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I skipped work to stalk him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize