Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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