My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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