Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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