Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
