This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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