the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
