She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
