all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
