Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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