i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Randomize