I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
birth control should be required to get into college
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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