I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
