peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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