Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
