No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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