Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
