Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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