did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
