I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
