The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize