She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
