i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
