i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
