he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize