so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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