you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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