literally had 100 drinks last night.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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