Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
