Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Too much gin, very little bucket
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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