girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
