Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We have started to decorate penises.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
