Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
