my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
