i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
