She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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