then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
