some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
