im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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