I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
