He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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