honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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